Friday, January 22, 2010

its never like the movies

Well, when it comes to friends. I love reading other blogs where there is all this support from friends and you know, doing things together. Going out. I haven't had that in a long time. Sure I have my guy, and yeah, it was kind of strange that we hooked up when we did.

I mean, I sort of had life planned out with someone else. I'll just call him my James Franco guy since he used to make me think of him. Not anymore. Its like, I thought, did I change him, or something? It was crazy. Even though, I didn't know it then. We lived with his Mom and sister and well, my foster family wasn't too happy with me, but you know, it was working. Kind of. But then it fizzled before it got really abusive. He was really stressed about his life after high school. And somewhere, along the way, I guess I didn't care about my friends enough. Of course, I thought they were all drama while all along, they thought that of me. As I've come to realise..as time has past. I dunno why I've decided to rehash this. Since, well, I've moved on. And yes, I'm with the last person they expected. But I guess we were always friends. And I kept his pants.

Really, though, Clive isn't what I expected. I mean, no one expected it to last. And its kind of strange how I'd thought he was like this freebie who came in from California with a friend of mine. She just said that to make it sound like something was going on, when there wasn't. Funny, neither one of us know exactly what she's doing now. But anyway, he'd came to live with his Mom and her new family which was kind of not working out...and he kept saying he was going back to California. But he never did. Just never did.

And yeah, he'd listen to all my problems with the James Franco guy. You know, I was upset that it was me. Me, who made him this way. Who made him angry. Like, I needed to know why, how could I change.... It wasn't that he gave me any answers. He never would. But he was there for me. And then even his Mom thought it would be a good idea if we, moved in together.

It wasn't one of those things that happened over night. Granted, no one thinks it would last. Still live on the cheap. But I like where we live in the old part of town. And I've possibly taken some of the coolness out of him. Or maybe I just know the real Clive. Nothing to prove. He can be like an old man, sometimes. Honestly, I see him, how he'll be. Some days. I wonder what he thinks when he sees me.

5 comments:

mazzie may said...

aw, wow, thats cool that you wrote about him, I know you usually don't.

Lady said...

He probably thinks you're the best!!! LOL Well abuse in a more-than-friendly-relationship should never be the victim's fault, so don't blame yourself. Good luck with Clive.

elliestories said...

well, I wish you the best.

cass and cady said...

I'm glad you posted about it.

natalie said...

I guess being able to rely on someone, trust them be there for you, and tell your problems to and everything really creates a strong bond and makes you closer. Good luck together!