OC RP Fiona and Ezra

 I feel like my life is like night and day. And a part of me knows, I'm the luckiest person in the world. The night of the flood, my dad showed up. Of course, I was so angry with him, and at the time, I was sick with worry about Matty. 

Damnit! Why can't I control my temper? Why can't I worry about the things I should worry about? Me.

Of course, Matty made it out all right. But I was furious with him. I would have punched him out if I could have, and I know that is crazy. Cause,  maybe I really am crazy. 

I know I'm not looking at the big picture.

I stayed with Dad for almost a week. 

See, I lost my job. Not everything on the Boardwalk made it. The ice cream shop closed due to all the water damage. So yeah, I feel so shattered. Add a few major panic attacks. All I know, I never want to go through this again. 

Dad found me a new therapist, and she doesn't even have the time to listen to everything. But I got new meds. Dad's helping. He knew somebody who knew somebody, and I got on at a new hotel where I work behind the desk. I have daytime hours. And I really don't have time for Matty to take up all my time. After all, I'm supposed to be working on a better me. 

And well, I'm glad I can move into the new place. Dad thinks it will be good for me. You know, be on my own. He wanted me to have a car, but I told him that was too much. The public transportation is fine. He's given me too much already. I'm just glad we can see each other, at least for Sunday dinner.

I'm numb at the moment. Not sure I can put into words how I really feel about this whole trailer park upheaval. I don't want to really feel anything. Because, well....I just don't understand. I mean, the trailer has been there forever and..and nothing ever happened. EVER.

Yeah, I'm pissed. Why? Why did it have to happen now? And the strange thing is, all that survived was some Taylor Swift T-shirt that I don't even know where it came from, and a Walkman that doesn't even work.

Honestly, I was living in someone else's museum, my grandmother's. And no one in the family would even take her stuff. I feel sad about that. I feel I have lost everything all over again. All of her photos. So many photos of a past I don't even know. I know I've let her down.

I couldn't help but have a breakdown. Of course, I'm not certain it was completely over Gram's things. I might be losing Dakota, too. Yeah, I know, I didn't really have her. And I'm not that kind of person, anyway. But now....

She talked a lot about Nav when we were at the shelter during the storm. Then she was like the president of his fan club or something. 

I know I have to keep going. Make the new place mine. But I'm so very tired. I just want to sleep. Yet, my bones feel restless. I'm not sure I'll ever be calm again. Because I feel I am letting go of the past every time I close my eyes.