OC RP - Fiona

 It's gonna get better. I swear I'm gonna be better. I have. Yeah, I know, not much of a mantra, but I know I worried Dakota. 

God knows, what she thinks of me now. Why! Why, oh why! Did I even tell her about Austin (squints eyes shut) I think that's his name. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore. Yeah, that's the ticket. Keep telling myself this shit. I'll probably never see him anyway..so who cares. Right?

This past week has been endless. I made sure to use the alarm on my phone like Dakota said. She's got it all figured out. And I did pick up some yogurts from the Complex building, where people drop off free stuff they don't want anymore. It's not exactly a food pantry, but sort of. And that's helped. Personally, I wonder if Dakota dropped off the yogurt. [I should not be worried about this shit..I know I sound like I  have a split personality or something..but really I don't. I swear.]

REMINDER: START A SWEAR JAR! [Do I have to do that? I really can't afford it.]

Anyway...the 4th was pretty sweet. Friends showed up. Dakota and Nav. Of course, Ezra, and we met these sisters along the way to the boardwalk, and we hung out. You know, talked about shit at the complex how those old Golden Girls keep asking us over, but we never go.

It was a great start to the evening. I ate junk food and watched Ezra try to wow me with his winning streak. Yeah, I just got the tokens. It added up. I got a big bottle of wine. Of course, I was very responsible. I made him carry it home. And it's in the fridge. I promised I would just keep it there. You know, see how long I can keep it without drinking it. [I saw something  like that in a K-drama, so I'm gonna try it.]

It was Ezra's keen idea since he's not old enough to legally drink.  Oh, the things he talks me into. I know he'd rather I'd just taken all those little stuffed animals, but that's not me. He should be happy that He didn't have to carry that jug of wine to the Ferris Wheel. I tried not to be bossy, but it didn't last long. 

I know I should be nicer. Kinder. He puts up with a lot of shit with me, but I just don't want us to get too close. I just know some nerdy girl has her eye on him, and I would hate for him to miss out on that. I think, anyway. Maybe.

But he was so Ezra. Now that I think about it, maybe he's been talking to Dakota. The two of them would never just hang out. Together. Right?

It would have been the perfect night, but then my mom called when I got home. She told me about my cousin Cody. She said he died of an overdose. I have not seen him since..oh God.. so many Christmases ago at my grandparents. I was so sad to hear about him. I was so worried he'd gotten washed away in one of those flooded rivers in Texas because he lived in Kerrville. So yeah, I was not myself, and I know Ezra was afraid for me to be alone with the wine.

I didn't know Cody well. And now that my parents are split up because mom stopped taking her bipolar meds, things aren't like they used to be.

I know, I could be living with my Dad right now, but he needs to be alone, and I'm afraid he wants me on meds, too.

I don't even know what Cody's addiction was, or even where it happened.  Maybe I shouldn't know. 

So..so Ezra spent the night. This meant, squeezing together so we could both watch JAWS I and II on my laptop. Yeah, maybe not the best idea.

-Fiona