a face in the crowd

  Cyrus interviewing Alex on one of his podcast.

CYRUS: Just hanging out with someone new our crew. Alex is only seventeen and this is his first job. How you doing? (Cyrus doing what he does best on his microphone with his laptop at his desk at home.

ALEX: Honestly, I didn't think I'd have this much fun at a pizzeria, but you and Pixie make it a delight. (He grins as he puts an effort in his first answer as he's on the other side of the desk swiveling in his chair.)

CYRUS: Oh, you don't have to be nice. But thanks man. We try to make it casual. (Cyrus almost laughs).

ALEX: Oh, it's casual alright. It's good. (He nods with an even smile)

CYRUS: So tell me about yourself.

ALEX: I really don't know where to start. (He slightly sighs)

CYRUS: Promis, I will not hurt you, man. You say, what's on your mind.

ALEX: OK. (He nods but is silent a bit before he starts) I'm..I'm a bit complicated. (He presses his lips tight) I wish I wasn't. I don't mean to sound crazy...but sometimes, I see myself as..as someone else and you know, I feel she's got a whole lot of more balls than I do.

CYRUS: Does she now?

ALEX: I want to be her. I mean, I know I'd have my act together if I were here, but then when..when I see myself in the mirror, she isn't looking back at me. And..and it's kind of frightening. (Alex presses his lips tight even bites his bottom lip) I try. (he nods) I try. Usually, when I do, it's on a Sunday or a Saturday afternoon when..when no one is at the library. I'll wear clothes I know she likes. Like platform boots.

CYRUS: Now that would be a new art for me. I don't think I could walk in platform boots. (Cyrus smiles since Alex hasn't said a word since saying platform boots.

ALEX: It's not easy, but..but they cost me a fortune, and so you know, I had to really practice in them. for awhile. And then I'd try to dress up. Wear make-up. Even thinking I could strut, you know. (he sighs) I'm glad the library ladies are all nice to me. They listen to all the books I've read, or I'm going to read. They even know all the TV shows I watch.

CYRUS: What is your favorite TV show?

ALEX: Grimm.

CYRUS: Well, back to that person you think you are. It does sound kind of scary. I mean she sounds like a badass. I mean what if, you know, she just takes over your personality.

ALEX: Oh, she wouldn't. It couldn't happen. (He shakes his head, no.) I mean..I know I sound a little crazy, but I feel I would feel better about myself if..you know..I at least became a little like her...but that's scary too. (he nods) 

CYRUS: It sounds like you have a lot to think about, but it's not like you have to decide tomorrow. (Cyrus nods with a smile).

ALEX: I know. It takes a lot of time and preparation..if you know..I decide. (he sighs) I just hate to go through all of it, to find out it's not what I really want. I mean, you have to  go through so much. 

CYRUS: But you can walk in platform boots. Not all is lost. Maybe you'll be a rockstar.

Caitlin & Megan